Not really the move itself, more A and his actions.
Like I’ve previously said.. This blog is my therapy. The way I deal with stuff. Let it all out all in one go and hope that it makes me feel better. So that’s what I’m doing..
So A has been over in Germany for a month now. During this month he’s ignored me for days – we actually ignored each other but he started it – he’s been out on the razzle dazzle living up like a single lad with all his single new mates and its broken me. Broken me because I can’t shake the feeling of being left behind. Can’t shake the feeling like he’s forgotten about me. Forgotten about P. He’s out living having a good time while I’m at home looking after the baby and working every night I possibly can because at one point I was so far in my over draft I had to ask my parents to lend me some money. Only to log on to instagram to see A had been out that night. While I’m struggling.
How fucking dare he.
This is just the straw that broke the camels back. Fuck me, it was like a hay bail crushing the poor animal…
I had it out with him all last week. Everything seemed fine. I agreed to try and forgive and forget, something I really don’t think I can do but at the time I was giving it a damn good go. Anyway we were all good and then Saturday rolled around. Now baring in mind he’d been out in the field all day with work and Monday he goes in the field for 2 weeks.. But he decideds to go play snooker with his mates and only gives me a 2 minute facetime thinking that’s okay? That’s enough and that I should what.. Twiddle my thumbs and wait obediently for text back.
No pal. I’m done playing this game.
So we’re back a square one. Completely back at square one. I dont want to move out there with a selfish dick head who chooses to go out with his mates. Boozing and doing god know what else – now I’m not saying he’s cheated but when in Rome.
I just have no faith in our relationship. We went through him being this person while I was pregnant and when P was first born. I can’t do this again.
He has responsibilities and he really doesn’t care. I feel like he doesn’t care. I feel left behind while he’s out having a good time and I’m stuck here. I should be allowed to have a good time. He doesn’t deserve to have a good time. He’s done the bare minimum as a father recently and the bare minimum as a husband. I really do fucking despise him right now.
Just needed a rant.
*ignore this post in future because no doubt I’ll be a fucking mug and act like everything’s okay, forgive him and be smitten with him in less than 24 hours.