I’m airing this because I have no one to tell.. this blog is my therapy. Lets me get things off my chest and right now I really need to get this off my chest. So this might be a little long and really fumbled, but like I said.. Therapy.
A and I are going through a bad patch. Again.
When we are good, we are amazing. But, probably just like everyone else, when we are bad we and fucking awful.
A couple of weeks a go he called me a complete wash out. I dropped out of uni twice – both for extremely good reasons – and I don’t have any qualifications apart from my GCSE’s and A-Levels.. something that not a lot of employers even look twice at. Anyway, it kind of stung a lot. For him to say that about me, to me, really cut deep. I’m trying my hardest to better myself but how a I suppose to when I can’t afford anything. I can’t afford to go back to work on regular hours.. we have no one to look after P..his work schedule is all over the place at the moment so it just impractical. We can’t afford it childcare all day everyday. Nor can I afford to go back to uni. Something that kills me, as selfish as that sounds.
This morning he told me he doesn’t think he wants to be with me anymore and that he hates me. Okay now the ‘I hate you’ is something I fling about a lot, but not A. I know he says what he means. And this morning really hurt.
Last night he told me to leave..
I really don’t know whats going on between us right now but just the thought of being in the same room makes me mad.
Still love him though. I just want to punch him in the face :’)